n a major study conducted by the CDC and Kaiser Permanente, more than 17,000 people shared personal information about their childhood. The study found that obesity is actually the result of eating being a coping mechanism for negative childhood experiences.
Obese participants had suffered everything from neglect to molestation. Eating does cause our body to release certain hormones, especially when we eat those “comfort” foods. Turning to alleviate our stressors, depression, anxiety, and boredom only provide a fleeting relief while adding a permanent problem.
When I finally started to lose weight, I had to deal with many negative feelings. I hated myself. Yes, I hated everything about myself. When looked back, I had to deal with things that happened to me from a young age.
My mother had been very emotionally abusive to me as a child. I was put down hundreds of times a day. Yet, I worked hard to try and please her. I had to have straight A’s in school, my room had to be perfectly clean. I also cooked meals and cleaned when I was not studying. I didn’t get to have friends over and I didn’t get to stay with my friends.
My father died when I was young and my mother got much worse after his death. She isolated and estranged us from others. My abnormal way of life had me hearing and believing that “I was not good enough”. Yes, I believed it nothing I did, nothing I said, nothing I achieved was good enough.
When I turned 18 I was married and moved out of my mothers house. Yet, this did not free me from the abuse. I called her every day to get my dose of put downs. Sometimes several times a day. I was programmed to honor my mother and according to her that meant I had to obey her all of my life.
For those of you that grew up in healthy, happy, well adjusted homes, this may seem crazy. I hated listening to the negative things my mom said to me. Yet, I kept the communication going.
When I had children of my own, things escalated. I was told what a horrible mother I was. I was told how I wasn’t living up to her standards. I would love to tell you that I finally stood up one day and broke free. However, it was not me that broke the relationship, it was truly God that brought about the events that freed me.
A rift that led to my mom not speaking to me for 3 years. At first, it hurt. I cried and mourned over the loss of the relationship for weeks. But slowly, God brought healing into my heart. It was tough and it was painful.
I had to work through every negative thought I had about myself. It was so gut wrenching because my thoughts at first were just as negative as ever, even more so. You see, I was now telling myself that I was so unlovable that even my own mother hated me.
My life became worthless to me. There was nothing I wanted to do. I assumed if I tried, I would fail. No one loved me, I was unlovable.
God stood by me through all of this and turned my thinking around. God taught me and showed me that I was loved by Him. God created me for His purpose and it was Him that I was to please with my life.
God brought me through every negative memory I had. God brought things in my mind, not to make me relive it, but to help let go through forgiveness.
No, I am not perfect, Christ had to die for me just as He did for all of us. Yet, God showed me how to love myself and everyone else. I can love others more now because I can see myself as lovable.
I am an imperfect child of God that will make mistakes and need forgiveness. Yet, I can move on with my life and be fulfilled by letting go of the past by forgiving those that hurt me. Forgiveness takes the power the past has on us and frees us!
I shared all of this with you to simply let you know the process I went through. Once I forgave my mom, I was able to start my weight loss journey. It doesn’t matter if she ever admits to the pain she caused me nor apologizes. The negativity and evil it brought me are gone and over with. Do you have someone that you need to forgive? No matter how horrible the things you went through were, forgiveness can set you free. I pray that you all find that freedom!